I
just read someone’s comment on a blog, and now I can’t sleep. “David” commented
on The Needle blog (which is excellent) that he didn’t want to read blogs by abuse survivors unless
they were “intelligent” and “articulate”.
I
guess it’s his loss. I don’t know why I bother to get angry.
Well
actually, I do. It’s the presumption that abuse survivors should act in a way that
“the public” can understand, accept and feel comfortable with that irks me.
But,
the world and the people in it being what it is and what they are, I have
decided to help improve communication with people such as “David” by putting together a list
of helpful advice for child sexual abuse survivors.
The
list is brought to you by the sarcastic, bitter and twisted part of my brain. To
the many wonderful people who are not “David” or a similar person, I appologise
in advance and profusely.
HELPFUL
QUESTIONS AND ADVICE FOR CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS FOR THE IMPROVEMENT OF
COMMUNICATION WITH NON-SURVIVORS
1) Be intelligent and
articulate if you allow yourself to share your experiences with the general
public
2) Don’t be angry. It’s upsetting.
3) Don’t cry. It’s disconcerting.
4) Don’t blame any of the following on the fact that you were forced to spend your childhood getting raped; eating disorders, mental instability, drug or substance abuse, criminal records, health problems, self harm, suicide or general fuckups. Grow up and take responsibility for your life!
5) Time’s a great healer. Heal. Now.
6) Be positive! There are starving children in Africa who are worse off than you.
7) Why didn’t you tell someone at the time?
8) If you did tell someone at the time and they ignored you, why didn’t you tell someone else?
9) Why didn’t you repeat 7) and 8) ad infinitum until satisfaction was achieved, even if you were ashamed, confused and scared shitless?
10) In fact, why didn’t you, at the time of being an abused child, behave a bit more like an adult? Hmmm?
11) Tell the police.
12) If you already told the police, and they wouldn’t listen to you, remember that they are very busy people.
13) Tell you MP.
14) If you already told your MP etc. etc. refer to point 12)
15) Remember that people who rape children have beards and are generally unattractive (refer to mainstream media newspapers for evidence). Don’t accuse anyone who is charming, powerful or has connections with charity. Apart from Savile, who was a one off.
16) Don’t question the efficacy of the legal justice system or the good intentions of those who govern, even if many of them side with or are proven to be paedophiles. What do you want, a revolution?
17) Remember that everything’s different now, and this shit doesn’t happen anymore.
2) Don’t be angry. It’s upsetting.
3) Don’t cry. It’s disconcerting.
4) Don’t blame any of the following on the fact that you were forced to spend your childhood getting raped; eating disorders, mental instability, drug or substance abuse, criminal records, health problems, self harm, suicide or general fuckups. Grow up and take responsibility for your life!
5) Time’s a great healer. Heal. Now.
6) Be positive! There are starving children in Africa who are worse off than you.
7) Why didn’t you tell someone at the time?
8) If you did tell someone at the time and they ignored you, why didn’t you tell someone else?
9) Why didn’t you repeat 7) and 8) ad infinitum until satisfaction was achieved, even if you were ashamed, confused and scared shitless?
10) In fact, why didn’t you, at the time of being an abused child, behave a bit more like an adult? Hmmm?
11) Tell the police.
12) If you already told the police, and they wouldn’t listen to you, remember that they are very busy people.
13) Tell you MP.
14) If you already told your MP etc. etc. refer to point 12)
15) Remember that people who rape children have beards and are generally unattractive (refer to mainstream media newspapers for evidence). Don’t accuse anyone who is charming, powerful or has connections with charity. Apart from Savile, who was a one off.
16) Don’t question the efficacy of the legal justice system or the good intentions of those who govern, even if many of them side with or are proven to be paedophiles. What do you want, a revolution?
17) Remember that everything’s different now, and this shit doesn’t happen anymore.
